She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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