so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
