I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
