Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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