I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
