Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
