your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
