There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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