He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
