lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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