I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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