I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
