Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
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Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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