Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
