someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
