So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
