shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
