remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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