that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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