I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
