She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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