he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
