well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
