Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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