stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
