I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
