You smell like stripper and shame
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I am full of burrito and curiosity
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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