Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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