he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize