I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
