So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
