you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
