Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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