it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
