They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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