SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
