So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
