Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
