508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
