we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
