come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dear god my vagina.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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