I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
