Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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