is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
