I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
