I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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