erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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