I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
