You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So vagazzling was a success
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
