i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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