apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
