oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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