You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
