remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
