apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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