hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
