remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
