you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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