dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
