they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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