I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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