I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
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mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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