No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
