4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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