well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
