Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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