I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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