please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
