His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
