my vag is so smooth its legendary
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
