i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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