If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
